dark times ahead

Loosely inspired by American Psycho.

I’m trying not to let it get to me. It gets to me. Luxury is just dread in a costume and so to make me feel better, sometimes I will pretend I have the money to let me worry about the things that no one else does; treat things the way everyone else does. On Monday I bought a suit and a pen and four pairs of shoes that I hate. I wore all of the shoes the next day in hourly rotations and then cut them up and threw them away. I cracked the pen in two. Used the ink as a gravy over my lunch, the body of plastic casing as a straw for my first and second martini. I drank the rest straight from the glass- my lips were beginning to stain. I didn’t wear the suit. I burned it. I checked into a hotel down the road from my apartment just for the robe and the free body wash. I wore that robe to my business meetings. I used a towel as a necktie. No one noticed. In fact, Nancy actually told me she loved me. Told me that the hotel cologne smelled nice. She thought it was Dior or one of those expensive brands I’m supposed to wear. I washed it all off the minute I got home. Threw the robe out the window. Stood naked over a pile of bills and watched the city.